Take More Risks

Ever wondered what exactly is in store for Digg in the next few years? In the last few minutes I’ve had some insights about the future that will shock you to the core. And so it begins in July 2007….

July 2007

President Bush declares war on the Digg Community after a digger submits a story linking to candid images of the head of state tongue kissing Osama Bin Laden in the French Alps. Rumours that the photos were photoshopped are dispelled immediately after Bush is caught in the middle of a provacative telephone call with the Saudia Arabian during a live national address. Bush sheepishly claims that it was his mother…..

September 2007

Digg begins enforcing a ban on all stories containing the keywords “Apple”, “Ipod” and “Steve Jobs” after the Apple head is caught relieving himself in the car park at Digg HQ. Over 1000 Diggers go on hunger strike claiming that they won’t eat until the ban is lifted. Needless to say, 999 of the Diggers give up on their crusade by 12 noon upon discovering there’s 8oz beefburgers for lunch.

October 2007

The Apple ban comes to an end after the company acquire Digg for $15 million. They quickly erase all of the databases/files and setup Digg.com on a domain parking service. Plans are made for a protest rally outside Apple’s HQ at Cupertino, California to show the community’s opposition to the move. Only 4 people show up however. The rest of the would-be protestors have giving into the bribe of a free 80gb Ipod providing they end their resistance towards Apple.

Those who do turn up are quickly arrested by the police for launching eggs at the building. Their plan was to egg the HQ and run for the hills. As you can imagine the last bit didn’t really work out……..

January 2008

Mark Shuttleworth and Bill Gates jointly announce that Microsoft and Ubuntu have came to an agreement over the new Vistu operating system which will feature all of the best features from both of the companies latest operating systems. 12 diggers reportedly die of shock upon hearing the news. A further 140 piss their pants.

November 2008

Vistu is finally released. It quickly gains the nickname Shitu.

December 2010

Kevin Rose finally wins Digg back from Apple after a 3 year long court case. He needn’t have bothered as by this time the Internet is completely unrecognisible from it’s current state – with only 300 regular users online. Most people have taken up either minature golf, falconry or wig making as their new main pastime. And the world’s a much better (if not hairier) place for it!