Take More Risks

Remember Lee Hotti, the Star Wars Kid, Cat Scan and Badger Badger Badger? What follows is a list of some of the most godawful/peculiar net fads known to man!

Hitler Cats

Do you have a cat that looks like the deceased German Dicator? Does she/he shit all over your carpet, standing around defiantly afterwards? Then submit a photograph of your cat to Cats That Look Like Hiter!

Cats That Look Like Hitler dot com features a growing army of Kitlers who are all planning to stage a coup and seize the world. And you thought the threat from Al-Queda was bad?

Be afraid, very very afraid.

God Hates Fags

If you ask Fred Phelps of God Hates Fags, Jesus hates homos. In fact Our Lord seemingly hates everything from undercooked kebabs to the entire human race.

Much like a bad curry fart, God Hates Fags just keeps coming back. He seems to enjoy picketing funerals of dead soldiers and other “hellbound types.” In fact Phelps is that much of a media whore I ‘m sure he’d have screamed “Fag!” at Christ’s crucifixion if it was televised.

Phelps is currently waiting on the Rapture where he believes the Lord will come back for him on the hood of a De Lorean. He recently announced that he wouldn’t be surprised if Christ came back on a pink cadillac since he’s that much of a “fucking gayer”.

Cat Scan

The most disturbing thing about Cat Scan is that some sad bastard thought “Eureka! Why don’t we jam Fluffy in between the flatbed and scan in his balls? The internetz will love it!”

Even mentioning Cat Scan is enough for most cats to go quadro-spazzed.

The site proved to be rip-roaringly popular amongst PCP addicts in the Deep South, giving the site a loyal userbase from the start.

Inundated with death threats and hate mail from animal activists, Cat Scan quickly distanced themselves from animal cruelty, refusing to publish pictures were the cat appeared to be in distress.

How the hell did they judge which pictures were cruel? No cat is going to be thinking “Yes Dave, this is a good fucking laugh! Blast me in the eyes with that blinding light again bitch!”.

Thankfully the site’s long since collapsed. I wouldn’t be surprised if the owner was repeatedly twatted around the head with a dead shark by a member of Greenpeace.

Lee Hotti

Hotti took the Internet by storm in January 2006 after posting this picture of him and his friends on the Sherdog.net Martial Arts forums.

Since when did pink shirts + semeny hair = masculinity?

What followed was an unprecedented torrent of mockery from amused members who hounded him for more of the same. The thread which spawned the Hotti craze has since been deleted, having spanned 12 months and hundreds of pages.

Inevitably it got out of hand, the abuse spread to Hotti’s Myspace, with a tribute site opening soon after. Hotti’s whereabouts are currently unknown. Rumours abound suggesting he was castrated by an eccentric Christian minister who mistook him for Satan, although this is probably bullshit.

He’s probably at home right now trying on his sister’s pink ra-ra skirt, plastering his body in fake tan.

Star Wars Kid

What self-respecting fad-list would be complete without the Star Wars Kid?

Just in case you aren’t familar with the story, an obese teen was caught on tape performing acrobatics with a golf ball retriever/make shift lightsaber. Cue 2 minutes of sex faces and terrible, terrible hilarity! The tape was later discovered by his friends who quickly put it on the Internet where it became an overnight phenomenon. Since then the Kid’s become a recluse, suing the families responsible for the video leak.

I feel pretty bad for him. This is the sort of shit that’d scar you for life. I’m half-expecting him to run into Walmart one day and to start beating the shit out of the staff there with his trusty golf ball retriever.

Now that video would knock “Evolution of Dance” on it’s ass for page views on You Tube!

Lasse Gjertsen “Hyperactive”

Norway, home of the sexy quarter of ABBA, fjords, Thor, marzipan pigs and…..Lasse Gjertsen.

Gjertsen is a video producer from Larvik who specialises in stop-motion animation. He’s renowned internationally for his ‘Hyperactive’ video which featured the Norwegian coughing and barking his way through a superb beatbox solo.

Some skeptics believe that Lasse is the brainchild of the Norwegian Tourist Board, a calculated attempt to increase the uptake of the Norwegian language throughout the world. Ja Mor!

What made Hyperactive such a hit? The editing was definitely a big factor, but nothing and I mean nothing can rival Lasse’s bedhair for sheer majesty. His facial expressions are phenomenal too. He’s since published about 10 more cool videos on Youtube, with the best being Amateur which rivals Hyperactive for ingenuity.

If you haven’t already seen it, you are missing out!

Numa Numa

“Yarraaa-heeee, yarrr-hooo, yaraaaa-haaaaaa! Yarraay-ha-ha!”

Gary Brolsma’s legendary Numa Numa Dance caught on in 2004 when he filmed himself groovin’ to a Romanian dance-anthem on his webcam. His original video was brilliant, it was fresh and came from the heart.

The follow-up was utter shit. It was completely devoid of any of the charm that made the original such a success. I can’t blame him for trying to make a bit of cash but couldn’t he have starred in a porno or something? Or even produced a film of himself jacking off to ABBA classics?

Still, I don’t care what anyone says, the Numa Numa song was fucking immense!

I’m In Ur

This is the legendary image that spawned a succession of fantastic “I’m in Ur” kitty pictures.

And it didn’t stop there, at one point it even got political! Who can forget this??

There’s an entire thread of these images available over at the Circa Survive forums. Enjoy!

Badger Badger Badger

“Snakee! Snakkee! Oh It’s a snake!”

Arrgghhh! I spent most of 2004 watching this goddamn movie on repeat and I still have the Badgers in my head. What the hell was it all about anyway? Do Badgers love eating mushrooms and snakes? Or do Snakes love badgers? Arghhh, it’s melting my head dude!

Badger x 3 was the brainchild of the warped animator Jonti Picking aka Weebl whos other work includes the legendary Weebl & Bob series, Kenya, Scampi and Magic Trevor.

Many hardcore Christian nutjobs believed that Badger x 3 was harbouring subliminal messages encouraging innocent young children to mutilate their parents with plastic knives and forks. When he was confronted with these allegations Weebl declined to comment which seems to indicate his guilt.

I still get kicks out of turning up the volume on my colleagues computer and playing the movie when he’s away from the computer, especially when the boss is around.